Since I often talk about the importance of getting into the Word, I started a series where I share one scripture or passage of scripture each Wednesday and talk about why it has meant so much to me. I hope it encourages you to get into the Word and to use these scriptures as starting points perhaps, but to also find meaningful things in the Bible on your own as well.
Ever since my first miscarriage I feel like I've been on a roller coaster; highs and lows that I feel are out of my control. But I've noticed there is one thing that keeps me stable, and that is God's Word. Hebrews 4:12 says that it is ALIVE, meaning that we can interact and engage with it! When you open His Word with an open mind, He will fill it as you read and you will walk away feeling encouraged, challenged, peaceful, and joyful no matter your earthly circumstances!
Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
| PSALM 139:7-10 |
As I've said before, while I was pregnant with our second child I was so fearful. I had already had one miscarriage and I could not fathom going through another. I often told the Lord that I'd rather die because I figured I would anyways as a result of another heartbreak. I truly felt like I could not handle it. As I entered into what would be the last week of my pregnancy, I began experiencing some scary symptoms and dread consumed me.
We found out on September 1st, 2016 that our baby girl no longer had a heartbeat and I had surgery the next day. Several days before that, on August 27th, a friend sent me a list of scriptures for fighting fear. Joshua 1:9 was the third scripture on that list and as I read God's breathed out Word in that verse, peace washed over me like never before.
"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."
I immediately envisioned myself living out my worst fear: Sitting on the toilet miscarrying. But unlike all of the times before I'd thought about that, this time I had such an overwhelming peace that God would be with me even there.
I continued to read through the list of scriptures and came to Isaiah 41:13, which says:
"For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."
Once again, even more peace flooded into my soul because I knew that God would not only be with me as I faced my worst fears, but that He'd help me and hold my hand through it all. If I was too weak to reach for Him it didn't even matter because He promised to take hold of my hand.
Those two scriptures got me through the next few days. Then on September 1st I had a doctor appointment. I felt so nervous and I feel like deep down, my heart already knew that our daughter was dead. But I was holding onto hope for God to perform a miracle. I got to my appointment pretty early and sat in my car and read my Bible. I was planning to read Isaiah 41, but I opened my Bible right to Psalm 139. Psalm 139:13-16 are some of the most popular verses regarding unborn life so I decided to stay in Psalm 139.
I think in my haste to get to verse 13 I did not take time to ponder verses 7-10 at all that day. However I did find comfort as I read and then headed into the appointment, that unbeknownst to me, would end in heartbreak.
The silence of the ultrasound tech was enough to confirm my very worst fear: There was no heartbeat. As I laid in that room, Joshua 1:9 came to my mind; I knew the Lord was in the midst of this heartbreaking silence. And as my husband took hold of my hand in his, I was reminded that the Lord was holding mine and giving me strength.
Several days after my surgery I was writing a blog post about my experience when I remembered that there was a scripture somewhere in the Bible that talked about how it didn't matter where you went, the Lord would be there. I googled it and found out it was Psalm 139:7-10. I couldn't believe that verse 10 began with the words, "even there." All week long I reminded myself with each new worry, fear, and heartbreak that the Lord was even there.
He is in every single situation, sisters! No matter how big, small, vulnerable, heartbreaking, intimate, crazy, or unfair it is. The Lord is omnipresent, or everywhere at once. It's hard to even wrap my mind around what that really looks like, but it is so comforting to know. He's in the midst of the biggest storm of the century, and He's in my hospital room as I face the biggest storm of my life. Sometimes His works are manifest and other times He is working behind the scenes, but He is always working for our ultimate good.
Past Wednesdays In The Word:
Remember to check out what my friend Anne Marie is doing over at The Loved Bible Project! She wrote this sweet post about Wednesdays In The Word and how we are teaming up! Each week I will continue to post about a scripture that has helped me in my time of loss and Anne Marie is going to make a free printable that you can find in her Resources page! We encourage you to print it out and spend time soaking in God's Word as you decorate it and then include it in your own Bible or start working on a Loved Bible!