Every once in awhile I like to search through my drafts and I'll find a post I'd been working on and forgot to finish. This is one of those posts -- I wrote it in the summer of 2016 and only edited the content for accuracy and design purposes. Just keep in mind that when I say things like "Lately I've been feeling..." it pertains to the summer, not now.
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee,
Thou changest not, Thy compassion's, they fail not,
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide,
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided,
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
These lyrics have been on my mind lately. As terrible as suffering and tragedy is, it allows you to see the Lord in a different way. I don't think you can see Him in this special way until you find yourself in the midst of a hard season.
I think He still does some of the things I notice so intensely right now during good times, too, but as humans we so easily take things for granted and forget. When you're struggling, though, you are constantly searching for something, anything, to keep you afloat. I often find myself thinking, "Okay God, I'm really going to need something today to make it through."
And the beautiful thing is that He always does something He doesn't have to do for me. It makes me feel so incredibly loved. Physically, I'm fine -- I'm alive. As long as He keeps me alive I should be thankful (and I am). Yet He blesses me spiritually and emotionally. Someone might make an insensitive comment to me and before the day is over, the Lord has redeemed whatever was said by encouraging me somehow.
The amount of times a text from a friend has come in at just the right time with just the right words has me convinced that there is absolutely no way it could be a coincidence. On more than one occasion, after an especially hard day I've come home just hoping something would be in the mail for me that would lift my spirits, and I opened my mailbox to find a card or package from a friend or even a stranger.
Something that many people don't understand, and I didn't until I had my miscarriage, is that (for the most part) people like talking about their grief, especially when it's fresh. I used to be so afraid to bring something up to a grieving friend because my thoughts consisted of: "What if she's having a good day and not thinking about it right now and then I bring it up and make her think about it and make her sad?"
It may momentarily (literally just a moment) slip my mind that I had a miscarriage. But it is never far from my mind; I think about it SO OFTEN. Someone bringing it up doesn't remind me what has happened. I don't need to be reminded because I never really forget. You'd probably be surprised if you could come inside my mind and see how often I think about it. So since it's always on my mind, when someone brings it up, I am happy. Even if it seems I am sad as we talk about it, I was sad about it before you brought it up. I'll be sad about it as we talk about it, and I'll be sad long after our conversation ends. But I'll also be thankful; really really thankful that you brought it up.
It is truly a gift when someone says something to me; whether it's a statement, a question, bringing up something they read in one of my posts here, it doesn't matter. It's like you're giving me a moment to say what I'm thinking out loud. It literally relieves pressure and I feel better after I get to talk about it with someone.
It's like I've been holding my breath and finally get to exhale.
The Lord has been so good about sending those people who aren't afraid to bring it up at just the right moment; when I feel like I may burst. Or He'll put me on someone's heart and they'll text me just as I'm beginning to feel lonely and like everyone has forgotten what happened.
I don't feel like manifold blessings are being poured out in my direction right now, but He is, without a doubt, giving me my daily bread. Each day He gives me just what I need to sustain me until the next. His mercies are new and tailor-made for my specific day. He knows exactly how much strength I need for the day ahead of me, and He bestows that strength to me at exactly the right moment (Deuteronomy 33:25).
God is going to supply my needs. I don't have to worry about the big things because He has shown Himself faithful in the small, intricate details of my life. Things that aren't even necessarily needs, but that He supplies anyways. My relationship with Him feels so intimate and I am beyond thankful.
God is just so good.
His steadfast love endures FOREVER.